***The following scene is fake and for entertainment purposes only***
Part 1: Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Adam Sandler, and Ben Stiller arrive at the restaurant and are seated at their table
Jerry Seinfeld: It’s good to see everyone … how was everyone’s high holiday? Did you fast?
Adam Sandler: Yeah … for about 2 minutes.
Ben Stiller: I get a real bad headache if I don’t have my coffee.
Larry David: Eh.
Jerry Seinfeld: Eh? What’s eh? It’s a yes or no question.
Larry David: Well technically no … but what’s the point? I’m not thinking about how I’ve wronged someone … I’m just thinking about how hungry I am and running the clock out all day. It just doesn’t really make sense to me.
Jerry Seinfeld: Alright, alright. Anyways … I’m glad we’re here together. Larry and I have actually wanted to do this for a long time … we’re concerned about the state of the Jewish comedian.
Ben Stiller: What do you mean?
Jerry Seinfeld: You see … they just don’t make them like us anymore. Rogen (Seth) flamed out. Jonah (Hill) … well … he was the chosen one who didn’t want to be chosen.
Adam Sandler: How about my boy, Andy?
Jerry Seinfeld: Samberg?
Adam Sandler: Yeah.
Jerry Seinfeld: He’s solid. Proud of him but he’s more of the rank and file.
Ben Stiller: I think Eric Andre has some promise?
Larry David: Eh, too niche.
Adam Sandler: Lil Dicky?
Jerry Seinfeld: Now you’re reaching and not just a lil bit …
Ben Stiller: Alright … what would you like us to do?
Adam Sandler: Before we get into it … can we order first?
Larry David: Yeah, good call. We’ll need our strength.
Part 2: The group takes 30 minutes to figure out their order and relay all of the dietary restrictions and preferences to the waiter. The food eventually comes and the conversation continues.
Jerry Seinfeld: Okay, where were we? Oh yeah, we’re just concerned that the pipeline isn’t what it used to be and we’re sort of the last generation of a golden era.
Larry David: Look, I must say … it’s this cancel culture and lack of Jewish identity that’s just killer!
Adam Sandler: Calm down, Larry. We’re still going … I’m not done yet … I’ve got at least another 30 movies in me!
Larry David: Adam, as long as there are kids and morons … your movies will be watched.
Adam Sandler: What are you trying to say, Larry?
Larry David: Nothing … you’re obviously very successful … just a different crowd. That’s all.
Adam Sandler: Different crowd, eh? …. Ahahahah … SHUT YUUUUUP! [1]
Jerry Seinfeld: Easy guys … Ben, why have you been so quiet?
Ben Stiller: Why have I been so quiet? Well, let me answer that for you … Jerry. You don’t think I know what you guys think of me!?! Oh hey, there’s Stiller! Mr. BOOLANDER! [2] He’s got a nice career doing that full on sprint and playing Mr. Nice Guy but he’s not really in our tier!!!
Jerry Seinfeld: Where is this coming from, Ben? You know I love you and your family.
Ben Stiller: I know you didn’t invite me! Adam asked to bring me along because he’s a good friend … always including others.
Adam Sandler: Ben, goosofraba [3] baby. It’s all good. Let’s just try to enjoy our meal here.
Larry David: I must say …the portions … not great.
Ben Stiller: Jeez Larry … is that all you do? Complain? Complain? Complain? Sorry … goosofraba
Part 3: Eugene Levy walks by the dinner table
Eugene Levy: Hey guys, what’s going on?
Larry David: Oh, you know, just catching up … talking about the state of the Jewish comedian.
Eugene Levy: Ahhh … very interesting. You know, sometimes I worry about it and sometimes I don’t but then I realize … it’s OK. As long as we try our best, that’s all we can do. Anyways, enjoy fellas. [4]
Part 4: Check comes
Jerry Seinfeld: You know … we sat here the whole time and actually didn’t make any progress on this topic.
Adam Sandler: But we had a good meal … except for Larry over here.
Jerry Seinfeld: Thanks anyways for coming guys … I’ve got this. [Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller both thank Jerry]
Jerry Seinfeld: Larry, aren’t you going to thank me?
Larry David: Well actually … you didn’t pay.
Jerry Seinfeld: What do you mean? Oh, did you take care of this already?
Larry David: No … technically, your bank is paying now and then you’ll pay them back.
Jerry Seinfeld: Let me get this straight. Are you suggesting that you will thank me once I pay down my credit card? That’s the most absurd thing I’ve heard in years.
Larry David: Look, I just don’t want it to be premature.
Jerry Seinfeld: Larry, I’m a billionaire … I can afford to pay down my credit card.
Larry David: Alright … when you do … I’ll thank you then.
Jerry Seinfeld: In 30 days?
Larry David: Yes.
Jerry Seinfeld: This is ridiculous. Why did you thank the waiter instead of the chef tonight? The chef prepared the meal … not the waiter!
Larry David: Not the same … “Billionaire Jerry”! I thanked the waiter for the service and we pay for the meal.
Jerry Seinfeld: I PAID FOR THE MEAL! AND YOU’RE A BILLIONAIRE TOO!
Larry David: Not yet, you haven’t and that’s a bit presumptuous.
Adam Sandler: Both of ya …SHUT YUUUUUP … I need to go to work [gets up and leaves]
Ben Stiller: Yeah, I’m out … need to get ready for the Knicks season [gets up and leaves]
Jerry Seinfeld: Nice going Larry … managed to accomplish nothing and upset everyone
Larry David: What else is new?
Part 5: Camera turns to the corner of the restaurant where Trey Parker and Matt Stone are sitting
Trey Parker: Those guys are so lame.
Matt Stone: Totally, dude. [5]
Trey Parker: By the way, can you tell your mom to use dairy-free milk next time? That leftover kugel wrecked my stomach.
End Scene
List of References:
[1] Billy Madison
[2] Zoolander
[3] Goosofraba (or Goosfraba) - Anger Management
[4] Eugene Levy Fatherly Conversation
[5] Dude - BASEketball (or any South Park)
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